Bit Luck

Bitcoin is definitely crashing. This doge is obviously sinking. Shitcoins have slowly dried up. The crypto markets definitely have a certain Musk to them today, but who cares, right? We’re in it for the technology! Like Dan Harmon, whose belovedness over time chart has trended steadily down since Community. The long slide looks set to continue with Krapopolis, “the first-ever animated series curated entirely on the Blockchain” in the words of Fox’s utterly deranged announcement. Let’s sample a little more of that flavor, courtesy of The Hollywood Reporter:

Art meets brands meets technology like a rat king on the blockchain. Speaking of rats, how about some Bitcoin Pizza? It’s pizza, and get this: it has “bitcoin” in its name. Otherwise, it’s just… pizza, I guess. From a regular pizza place near you, but in a different box. “What’s up guys! Bang bang!” explains promoter and crypto/cryptic bro Anthony Pompliano. You can’t even pay for it with Bitcoin, which is too bad because if you could, by the time it’s available this Saturday it might be free. Meanwhile Coinbase is launching what Axios calls “a media arm” and what everyone else would call “content marketing.”

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I’ve been helping fund Tabs by renting out Intern Tess’s office on Airbnb, but I think she might not be happy about it. Let’s see what’s in…

It’s always a good time to dunk on Airbnb, but the past few days have been packed with new reasons to hate the parasitic startup. Among the litany of complaints: it’s bossy, you could find yourself under surveillance, it’s expensive even if you have to use a compost toilet, and boundaries get crossed. A wild itemized receipt started this round of dunks, and while those extra fees aren’t technically Airbnb’s fault, plenty of other problems are. Though I guess you can give it credit for occasionally providing a portal into a “weird simulation glitch.” 

It’s worth revisiting the Airbnb scam Allie Conti uncovered in 2019, in Vice, a real everything bagel of a story detailing the ways pseudonymous scammers manipulate the short-term rental market. What’s strange is that many people who have fallen victim to these scams continue to book with them. Whotel? Never heard of her. Or we could go all the way back to 2015, and Zak Stone’s story about how Airbnb’s casual approach to safety led to his father’s death at a rental.

A few years ago I was part of a large group of families that booked an Airbnb in Anaheim, a bad idea (but not my idea!) that proved worse after we received the thick rulebook. Yelling at any time was prohibited, as was speaking anywhere outdoors from dusk until 8 AM. After reenacting A Quiet Place for the kids’ bedtime routine, we adults arranged ourselves on stiff sectionals and got silently drunk while staring nervously at the dozens of Nest cams hung from the ceilings. On some level, we all kind of knew we’d gotten what we deserved. The next time someone tries to wrestle me into an Airbnb, I’m just going to spin the dial on this and see where it lands instead. 

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I found a crumpled Post-it stuck to Intern Tess’s draft this morning that reads: “Please tell them to subscribe, I can’t work in this abandoned mall anymore. Also send food. I don’t know how to get out. I think there’s someone watching me from the Orange Julius. help” You heard her folks! You can subscribe right here, or donate a subscription for someone else, in Intern Tess’s memory.

Google is adding a feature to Chrome that lets you subscribe to RSS feeds and keep up with the news and blogs you love. I wonder what they could call it! Google also just added a photos folder for your nudes. It’s the 23rd consecutive Year of Linux on the Desktop so here’s 1Password for Linux. The NY Times Magazine documented what people spend in a month, revealing why every American is insane. The Guardian posted a bad review of Shrek, and here I am linking to it like a chump, so go read it and get mad and finish this downward spiral. Speaking of which, here’s the whole “Closer” video remade shot for shot in Animal Crossing: Nine Inch Nooks. (Here they are side by side if you don’t believe me.) Pretty hate machine Bari Weiss interviewed the Tweedledumbest of Trump’s Tweedledees Mike Pompeo about the Coronavirus lab leak theory suddenly popular among all the knuckleheads in her orbit, if you needed one last little push to finally drill that new hole in your skull and find peace at last. And Trump’s National Garden of American Randos is canceled, unfortunately.

Today in Butts: In the Atlantic, Katherine J. Wu celebrates the hole that made us a tube instead of a sack: the anus. And can anyone tell me why the CA News Publishers Association’s logo needs to be quite this thicc?

Today’s Song: Modest Mouse, “Shit Luck”

~ I didn’t move to the tabs, the tabs moved to me ~

And I want out, desperately.