FaceF***ed

🧔‍♂️ caseynewton Accepted your friend request

🌺 rusty hey thanks for the google doc tracking all the facebook stories! Is that you collecting them all?

🧔‍♂️ caseynewton It’s actually Katie Harbath. She’s ex-FB

🌺 rusty ah yeah, I know who she is peripherallyis that a secret in any way? that this is her doc?

🧔‍♂️ caseynewtonno, she's been tweeting about it

🌺 rustyI was going to try to read them all but I'm doing the math here and there's 97 stories1 so absolutely not

🧔‍♂️ caseynewtonhahaNieman Lab's recap was good I thought

🌺 rustyI should just summarize the recapslol

🧔‍♂️ caseynewtonyou should!

🌺 rustylet's see if we can grind these million pages of leaks down to one word:"Bad."

🧔‍♂️ caseynewtonyou joke but this was the entire Haugen plan from the startcreate a mushroom cloud of news that no one would read but everyone would see and say, "Bad."

🌺 rustyLol, it's working!Maybe this chat is Tabs today actuallyhow do you feel about that

🧔‍♂️ caseynewtonby all means

🌺 rusty👍👍👍incredible content, thank you

🧔‍♂️ caseynewton🙏

Today in Why Not?

Hey what’s Floating Dragon Lord Jeff Bezos up to?

Perfect, let’s recreate the worst part of every blasted exurban hellscape in space. Why not skip the pussyfooting around and just launch an abandoned Wal-mart, Jeff? Obviously I’m not a Bezos fan but even I have to admit he has good taste in yachts.

Midwest Tungsten created a perpetual futures contract in the form of an NFT of a 14.545 inch, 2,000 pound tungsten cube. The terms include: “One visit to see/photograph/touch the cube per calendar year” and “Burning the NFT will result in shipment [of the physical cube] to the most recent owner via freight truck.” It’s hard to calculate exactly but I think this is about $6,500 worth of tungsten. The minimum bid is $199,699.28. Why not.

“Pablo Escobar's Cocaine Hippos Are Legally People, Court Rules.” Paul Gosar and Marjorie Taylor Greene are legally people too, so why not? “CryptoEats” created a fake business plan and paid influencers to promote it before disappearing with a half million investor dollars “mere minutes after the token sale launch,“ reports Jason Koebler. Seems easier than launching an actual crypto-for-food-delivery business, which is a transparently dumb idea. The Gang Tries to Overthrow the Government of Venezuela.

Judith Butler remains the only good Old. Sabrina Imbler on “the worm blob.” (Groomda’s in the lab!) Overeager Colorado search and rescue team has been trying to reach this perfectly safe hiker about their vehicle’s extended warranty. Ken Layne is living the independent content creator’s dream life. Safy-Hallan Farah: “What sets aesthetic vloggers apart from other kinds of influencers, the more explicit hustlers, is their sense of ease and a disavowal of labor that is in fact a form of labor, as it yields the same outcome: income.”

Today’s Song: The Mountain Goats, “No Children,” which is apparently going viral on TikTok.

~ you are coming down with me, tab in unlovable tab ~

Thanks for not complaining about my day off yesterday! I ended up really needing it. You are the best boss, have I ever told you that? It’s true. I tweet @fka_tabs and @TodayinTabs and I hope that everyone who arrived on Friday isn’t totally bewildered by our return to normal Tabs. If you’re confused, click the links, that usually clears it up! Ok see you tomorrow bye leaving.