Gawking? In This Economy?

Hot vax summer is canceled according to Paola Rosa-Aquino and the CDC, who are advising the vaccinated to put our masks back on because a bunch of jackholes1 got all their health advice from Facebook and decided to go party at Lake of the Ozarks instead of getting the vaccine, which is the Mark of the Beast or something.

But between a Southern California sewage spill, the bone dry Sierra Nevadas, a historic drought, fires, floods, and the permanent heat dome, summer itself might be canceled anyway, writes Shawn Hubler. “Scientists have found that Mexico and Central America, the Persian Gulf, India, Pakistan and Southeast Asia are all careening toward” being “too hot and humid to survive,” report Ruby Mellen and William Neff. Washington Post graphics reporter Hannah Dormido helpfully provides this image of our near future:

But is there any good news? Well… yes and no. Researchers think that smoke from the catastrophic and famously koalacidal 2019-2020 Australian bushfires may have lowered the global temperature by 0.1 degrees Fahrenheit. ”The cooling, however, was tacked atop a continued net warming of the climate and had a negligible effect on slowing the pace of human-induced climate change from fossil fuel burning.” Ah! Well, nevertheless. At least the Hamptons are getting gentrified, with rich awful people pushed out by even richer, even awfuler people. Let’s just stay home and re-watch another season of Alone.

• Whatangiesays is loser-at-love Angie Piccirillo’s free weekly newsletter about dates-gone-wrong, delivered via sassy cynical “LA voice” with a dash of hopeful romanticism and a whole lotta laughs. SUBSCRIBE 

• California Common Cause seeks a California based Program Manager who will lead its Media and Democracy Program. Role will focus on investigating and evaluating policy solutions that have the potential to create a healthy and resilient local and ethnic media sector in California.

• You Are Good is a feelings podcast about movies, co-hosted by Sarah Marshall (“You're Wrong About”) and Alex Steed (just some guy). 

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The new Gawker launched, now owned by Bustle and edited by Leah Finnegan, who hates me for reasons I have never known. At its best, Gawker would say what everyone else was afraid to, and at its worst it was the internet’s most engaging trash fire, so I wish Gawker 3.0 the best and/or worst. Finnegan started off by having Tarpley Hitt ask Bryan Swoledberg how much money he has (unfortunately he doesn’t answer the question). There are more stories I think, if you can find them sprinkled in among all the typefaces.

Today in Important Investigations: Buzzfeed’s David Mack tracked down the guy who makes poppers. Did you know: they’re all the same!

Alex Zaragoza: “How I Stopped Caring and Embraced My Love of Sublime.” The Justice Department sold the Martin Shkreli Wu-Tang album and recovered an ancient Epic of Gilgamesh tablet from Hobby Lobby in what can’t possibly be an average Tuesday in forfeiture news. Itching our way into the Metaverse: “Facebook recalls 4 million Quest 2 VR face liners over ‘rashes and hives’.” This short Guardian story about a bold daylight jewelry heist in Paris assisted by Jean-Claude Van Damme buying some glasses is a master class in how to structure a news story. Racket Teen Elle Reeve wrote the best story about Simone Biles and “the twisties.” Kanye is approaching Jeff Bezos levels of divorced:

Today in Brands:

Today’s Song: Smoking Popes, “I Need You Around”

Two things: Yesterday I got my Clubhouses mixed up. The one changing its name is the project management one. I regret the error.

Second, tomorrow I’m doing a “Creator AMA” chat with Sam DeBrule from Journal. You can join the Slack here if you want to get in on that. If none of that made any sense to you, don’t worry about it! Tomorrow is Thursday and then the rest of our lives to follow. See you then.