I'm Going to Become The Literary Joker

I feel bad for ye commonweal but thif be tremendoufe contente.

Author

Rusty Foster
March 12th, 2024

Lauren Oyler listed her anxiety symptoms in The New Yorker and honestly: same. It never would have occurred to me that a catalogue of my weird twitches and lack of knowledge about therapy could add up to a New Yorker essay without any other discernible point, “But catharsis for me is boring for you,” she concludes, with regrettable accuracy. The piece is from Oyler’s forthcoming essay collection “No Judgement,” which Ian Wang entertainingly panned for ArtReview. I have to respect Oyler’s promotional strategy of being wrong about deadlifts online, though. In a much more positive Irish Independent review Roisin KiIberd called her a “literary Batman,” which is a very weird turn of phrase, not least because Batman probably had to do a lot of deadlifts.

Paul Musgrave posted “Any social media power user would pass the pain box test without trying. Oh, I'm sorry, it's a box that hurts you? I'm already addicted to it, do you have one with GIFs?”

Royals Update

I feel bad for ye commonweal but thif be tremendoufe contente. The day before yesterday The Independent published a profile of Prince William’s alleged mistress (deep breath) Lady Rose Hanbury The I Am Not Kidding Marchioness of Cholmondeley Pronounced “Chumley.” It’s absolutely devoid of news content, consisting mainly of quotes about her castle from last April’s issue of The English Home and pictures from her Insta. Why publish this now? Perhaps the SEO-friendly URL holds a clue.

The URL of the Independent piece with the slug “sarah-rose-hanbury-duchess-cholmondeley-william-kate” highlighted.

Hmmm.

Conspiracy theorists believe all of this is a soft-launch of William following the family tradition and divorcing Kate to make it official with Lady Rose. Meanwhile backed by fractious Northern Earls, Burgundian troops push south through Kent in support of Queen Anne. And Paddington has a troubling question:

Elsa Williams quote-tweeted Paddington, asking “ How do you get marmalade out of a carpet? Asking for a friend.” with the comment “Oh my God they’ve killed her”

As the editor-in-chief of PEOPLE and Editorial Director of Entertainment Weekly, he helped to extend the brand into TV, creating and executive producing five hit series and two documentaries. He also oversaw the brands' push into podcasts, video, and new social platforms. He has also served as Editor-in-Chief of Life & Style and In Touch Weekly; and prior to emigrating from the United Kingdom, in 2002, he helped establish the global genre of celebrity weeklies with heat! magazine.

Sounds like a great fit. Did he work anywhere else?

Donald Trump and Elon Musk continue to seek opportunities to grift together, report The Washington Post’s Josh Dawsey, Drew Harwell and Jonathan O'Connell.

Shannon Palus extends the Being Normal About Sydney Sweeney’s Boobs Discourse yet another day, for Slate. The best airport in North America is apparently LaGuardia!? Hell Gate’s Esther Wang discovering that men don’t pull our pants all the way down to pee standing up is some classic blogging. If Anil Dash is offering us suggestions on how to make better documents we should probably listen. Human dog bed on sale. Or, if price is no object, have you considered a $10,000 toilet? I’m told it’s very skibidi.

And Finally: via The Fence’s newsletter, here’s Michael Barrymore and gospel choir Remission covering Coolio’s “See You When You Get There.”

Which is fortunately not…

Today’s Song: Dead Pony, “Rainbows”

Yes it’s a short email today! I have stuff to do, and so do you. I dig you, baby, but I got to keep movin' on… keep movin' on.