Sexy Bernie Sanders Costume

Extreme disarticulation and skeletal fragmentation in nearby humans

September 22nd, 2021

I always have trouble describing what Today in Tabs is about, or how I know whether something is a tab or not. But Mia Mercado helped clarify it with her post in The Cut yesterday: “This Sexy Bernie Sanders Costume Looks … Pretty Comfy?” Tabs are essentially stories that would make good novelty Halloween costumes. Also:

Joel Coen made an extremely A24 “The Tragedy of Macbeth,” with Denzel Washington as the titular Thane and Frances McDormand playing Lady MacB don’cha know. As an insufferable film snob and Macbeth fan, I think it looks good as hell.

In the NYT, Ryan Mac and Sheera Frenkel broke the news of “Project Amplify,” Facebook’s effort to insert “pro-Facebook news items” into users’ newsfeeds. The story describes how:

Facebook also worked to stamp out employee leaks. In July, the communications team shuttered comments on an internal forum that was used for companywide announcements. “OUR ONE REQUEST: PLEASE DON’T LEAK,” read a post about the change.

…which is obviously going well, and how Facebook is trying to fix Mark Zuckerberg’s public image as a waxy semi-humanoid liar:

In January, the communications team circulated a document with a strategy for distancing Mr. Zuckerberg from scandals, partly by focusing his Facebook posts and media appearances on new products, they said.

Zuckerberg sharply disagreed with the report by confirming it:

…and also threatening to sue The Times for defamation, for reporting he rode an electric surfboard instead of a hydrofoil.

In conclusion: I am begging you to delete your Facebook account.

Also Today in Leaks: Tim Apple “says employees who leak memos do not belong at Apple, according to leaked memo,” reports Zoe Schiffer in The Verge. 

Who’s Coming Out? “Anti-Vaxx Celebrities Are Coming Out of the Woodwork,” reports Danielle Cohen. In Slate, Lili Loofbourow investigated whether anything good is coming out of Reddit’s r/HermanCainAward (the answer is: maybe!). Choire also came out with a story on the Herman Cain Award last month. Pope Francis is coming out of his cage and clapping back at his critics on Catholic TV: “I personally deserve attacks and insults because I am a sinner, but the church does not deserve them. They are the work of the devil.” Speaking of which, TV’s “Mistress of the Dark” Elvira (and irl’s Cassandra Peterson) is coming out with the story of her 19 year relationship with her former personal trainer Teresa “T” Wierson in her new memoir, “Yours Cruelly, Elvira.” I love this for both Elvira and the Pope.

“Scientists created the world's whitest paint” and the Des Moines Register’s tweet about it turned into an all-time great riff thread. Where the hell does Eric Adams actually live? No one seems to know, least of all Eric Adams. How many cats does Curtis Sliwa have? You thought the New York mayoral election was over (and it is) but we still have a long time to spend with these two freaks. Patrick McKenzie on video game sword accounting.

Made famous with their slogan, “The Best Fudge comes from Uranus”, that’s not all they have to offer. The Missouri based Uranus, Inc, which also owns several other “Uranus” themed businesses such as; The Uranus Ice Cream Company, Putt Pirates Mini-Golf, Escape Uranus Escape Rooms and others, has stated that they are (according to owner and self-proclaimed Mayor, Louie Keen), “planning on bringing all that, and more to the new Indiana location”.

“We have been looking for our #2 for quite a while, and we were very lucky to have found this opportunity with Randy Good and Good’s Candy Shop”, Mr. Keen stated.

This guy is having a lot of fun talking about Uranus, and who am I to begrudge him that?

Heating experiments indicate temperatures exceeded 2000 °C. Amid city-side devastation, the airburst demolished 12+ m of the 4-to-5-story palace complex and the massive 4-m-thick mudbrick rampart, while causing extreme disarticulation and skeletal fragmentation in nearby humans.

Finally: Meanwhile, in Maine…

Today’s Song: Weakened Friends, “Quitter” (video by Friend of the Tabs Alex Steed and Knack Factory, filmed at Saco’s own Funtown Splashtown USA)

~ by the pricking of my abs, something wicked this way tabs ~

Thank you so much r4v5 for showing us Uranus in the Discord. Tomorrow I am away but Tabs is not because I have already written tomorrow’s newsletter! I think this is the first time I ever wrote one ahead? So look for that tomorrow morning. I’m also away Friday so there will probably not be an open thread this week but you should still subscribe anyway, because (a) there will be another open thread some Friday and (b) it’s just the right thing to do, you know? Hit the button, it’ll feel so good:

And via Garbage Day skjbsfflkjfdbkjlafnjkfnfkjfs:

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