Tabs Hiatus 2: Hike Harder

The biggest news today is that Crocs are coming to Fortnite so you can buy Jibbitz for your Peely. I’ll forgive anyone who doesn’t make it past that sentence, whether from ecstasy or subarachnoid hemorrhage, but the less important news is that I’m back on the trail again, as I hinted I would be in the signoff last week.

I didn’t expect this hike to take more than one Tabs hiatus, but here we are. I’ve put four and a half months of effort into it so far, and I want to finish the whole trail. Right now I still have my trail legs (somewhat) and I still have my dirtbag thru-hiker mindset (also somewhat), but both are declining rapidly so I think this is my best shot.

I’m getting back on trail at Rockfish Gap in Virginia, just south of Shenandoah National Park, and I have 865 miles to go southbound, which is about the southern third of the trail. It should take two more months, and I must be home by June because my middle son is graduating high school. So it better not take more than two months.

I’m sorry to be disappearing for another hiatus so soon, but there are significantly fewer unknowns this time. The new slower Tabs cadence has been really good for me, and I think the most negative response I‘ve heard from readers about it was along the lines of “I’d be happy to read Tabs every day but I understand why you don’t want to write it every day.” Most of the responses have been more like “it’s much better to only get this firehose of disaster twice a week.” I am working hard to take this in the positive spirit with which it’s intended. For everyone who feels that way, please take this hiatus as a gift and an opportunity to simply not be aware of what’s going on. The disasters will still be ongoing when I return.

If you’re looking for a newsletter to fill in the Tabs links-to-stuff gap, Tech Brew’s Annie Saunders is writing a weekly newsletter called Trumplessness, where the only place Trump appears is in the title. Honestly, genius. Maybe if we all read it, we can bring its Trumpless timeline into existence.

Today in Trucks:

Please let this tiny electric truck become a real vehicle we can buy. We all deserve one good thing.

Ok Back To The Boring Stuff:

I think the last question everyone had was whether I’m pausing paid subscriptions again. Unfortunately the answer is no, because the way I had to pause them the first time was extremely janky and required a lot of manual error correction, and most of the annual subscriptions are still paused right now. It was an all-or-nothing sweep and I think trying to re-pause a subset of subscriptions would be a disaster.

If you’re a monthly paid subscriber and you want to just downgrade to free for the next couple months, I wouldn’t blame you at all. Just log in at https://www.todayintabs.com/ via the little three-lines menu button at the top right, and then back at the top right choose “Manage Subscription” and then “Downgrade.” I will happily attempt to win back your subscription dollars this summer. If you’re an annual subscriber you’re welcome to do the same thing, although most of you are still in a free trial period so I‘m not sure if it’ll save you much money either way. [Monthly subscribers do not read this:] Annual subscriptions are also priced so you get more than three and a half free months every year compared to monthly, so, like, in all honesty I don’t feel that bad about it! You’re not paying for these months anyway, kind of.

If you need any help downgrading your subscription, or just want to complain about it, please hit reply and I will help and/or receive your criticism with all due grace and humility. And as always, thank you so much for subscribing, it is what makes any of this possible at all.

The Last of the Tabs, For Now:

In Defector, Tom Ley took a hatchet to Bari Weiss’s fash-friendly vanity blog, in “They Should Call it The Free Piss.” Speaking of which, how long do you think it would take the entire human population to fill the Grand Canyon with piss? I can almost guarantee the answer will surprise you. In other crotch-related news, the Norwegian ski jumping team has been caught up in a shocking cheating scandal which the AP reports was:

And finally, what are scientists doing? They’re sniffing mummies. Scientists! 

Today’s Song: Panic! At The Disco, “I Write Sins, Not Tragedies”

The person this song is for knows who they are. Also they haven’t read anything above this so I’d like to tell them to scroll up to the link about peeing in the Grand Canyon, which they’ll find interesting.

Everyone else, please subscribe to Today on Trail if you’d like to read what I’m up to for the next two months, and if not I will see you in June!