I'm So Sorry

We deeply regret the error.

June 14th, 2022

I’m afraid I have to apologize. Uber is expensive now and so is everything else because “stuff you wish your mom did for you” is no longer subsidized by venture capital, according to Derek Thompson. I’m so sorry. The Hollywood Reporter says that Lady Gaga might play Harley Quinn in a Todd Phillips / Joaquin Phoenix “Joker” sequel. We deeply regret the error. “Sad to say this is, in fact, completely true. BuzzFeed euthanizes the puppies after celebrity puppy interviews,” admits Katie Notopoulos. And it’s with a heavy heart that must I share the devastating news of Jack Dorsey’s vision for Web5:

According to Christopher Knight, the Carolyn Campagna Kleefeld paintings and drawings in the Carolyn Campagna Kleefeld Gallery at the Carolyn Campagna Kleefeld Contemporary Art Museum are “frankly terrible — by far the worst I’ve seen on display in a serious exhibition venue, public or private, for profit or nonprofit, in years.” Not only that but in Spike Dean Kissick says what we were all thinking—that NFTs and AI image generators have “pushed kitsch to new levels of listless, enervated garishness, and saccharine vacancy.” Y’all these are both my b and I take full responsibility. I’m committed to listening, and learning, and making it right.

Gorgeous, gorgeous girls have IBS but so does everyone else, reveals Natasha Boyd in Drift, and if you didn’t already know it’s because I accidentally everyone’s microbiome. It was my first day on the job and I haven’t done anything like that since, but I understand that doesn’t make it ok.

If you are affected, you will receive this notification in your personal email, because we made the decision to cut access to Coinbase systems for affected employees. I realize that removal of access will feel sudden and unexpected, and this is not the experience I wanted for you.

“Collapsing” is also not the experience he wanted for the whole crypto market, and I’m so sorry I knocked that down. I’m very clumsy and it was in my way, not that that’s any excuse. I’m also sorry I didn’t tell you about Celsius sooner, but Jon Wu stepped into the vacancy I left to explain why the “one of the largest centralized gateways to crypto… appears insolvent, and it's taking the whole crypto market with it.” I don’t want to compound error with negligence, so listen: if you have any money in crypto that you aren’t enthusiastic to lose, take it out now.

Paul Ford wrote that the fundamental question of the web is: “Why wasn't I consulted?” so in an effort to stop failing to consult you I’m working with the Oxford Internet Institute in a study exploring newsletter audiences. Please take this survey. It’s anonymous and your responses will only be shared with me, to improve Today in Tabs and/or devise more fiendish ways to annoy you, and with the researchers at Oxford, to help them understand “the ecosystem of email news” whatever that means.

What did the buffalo say when its child was washed away by the flooding that completely shut down Yellowstone Park yesterday? “Bye, son.” That joke was insensitive. I’m sorry, and so is my entire ethics review board. In another weather-related whoopsie I’m afraid I bumped into the wrong butterfly a couple weeks ago and one thing led to another and, well…

I can’t say it won’t happen again, but if it does, apologies in advance.

And I think that’s just about… ah, wait, one more thing, I am frankly ashamed to confess that that “Top Gun: Maverick” is, according to this harsh but extremely fair Letterboxd review:

…a 131-minute long advertisement for death. Aggressively unoriginal, wildly irresponsible with its messaging, historically revisionist, and shamelessly jingoistic in the name of providing fellatio to arms dealers. This is a masterwork of propaganda in defense of some of our nation's worst traits, and it's an enormous success. I left the theater depressed and forlorn.

It’s also literally a feature length commercial for weapons manufacturer Lockheed Martin. Yikes! Another blunder by me, I guess. At least Amy Klobuchar and Pete Buttigieg had a good time watching it? Not that that makes it any better.

Today’s Song: Rage Against the Machine, “Bulls on Parade”

~ Rally 'round the family with a pocket full of tabs ~

PS: I’m sorry if I’m the first to let you know that according to Emma Roth at The Verge, Google is shutting down API access to Google Talk, which used to be Google Chat, which everyone called GChat, which Google shut down and migrated to Google Hangouts in 2017, which Google rebranded Google Chat in 2020. So if you’re still using Google Chat, the company recommends that you switch to using Google Chat.

PPS: The header image today was generated using DALL-E 2, courtesy of OpenAI. No actual bison were involved, and the computer bison is fine. He loves swimming.

PPPS: I obviously don’t deserve it with a record like this, but if you feel forgiving you can subscribe here. I realize it’s a lot less expensive than it’s worth, but what can I say? I’m no good at pricing.

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