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It’s giving Tuesday, and only five more Vevor shopping days remain until Joe Biden scrapes one last L out of the nearly empty White House L barrel by killing TikTok and irritating one hundred seventy million Americans for absolutely no reason on his way out the door. Everyone seems to believe it’s really going to happen this time, including your Chinese spy:
Where will all the glassy eyed shortform video addicts go? “Constitutionally bitchmade” Mark Zuckerberg’s Instagram Minion Adam Mosseri thinks he knows exactly what the people want:
Look at his little necklace, lmao. Just like the big boss! What’s in your locket, Adam? Is it a curl of Mark’s hair? Is it a forget-me-not? Is it a banana?
No, Instagram Reels is hell and YouTube Shorts is hell’s slightly better-paying lobby. America’s top white supremacy monetization play Substack is positioning itself to lose the vast majority of TikTok refugees as successfully as it lost the vast majority of Twitter refugees. Bloomberg reported that China was “Weigh[ing] Sale of TikTok US to Musk as a Possible Option,” according to “people familiar with the matter” (who are definitely not Elon Musk) but Tiktok parent company ByteDance called that report “pure fiction.”
So where is everyone going after Tiktok dies? In keeping with the principle that the dumbest and/or funniest possible thing is what always happens now, American TikTok users are flocking to another Chinese short video app called Xiaohongshu, which was founded by a guy named Mao. In the New York Times, Claire Fu and Meaghan Tobin report that:
Xiaohongshu means “little red book” in Mandarin. Americans new to the app said they were not put off by the reference to a book of Mao Zedong’s sayings. Many call the app “Red Note.”
While the translation of the name is accurate, and the implications of it are definitely driving at least some TikTokers to adopt the app in protest, it doesn’t appear to have anything to do with Mao Zedong’s book of sayings, which Tianyu Fang notes isn’t even called the “Little Red Book” in Chinese. In fact, Fang pointed to a 2019 article about Xiaohongshu where this alleged Chicom stalking horse of a founder explains his background, and his choice of the color red:
In 2003, Mao Wenchao left his hometown Wuhan and was admitted to Shanghai Jiaotong University to study mechanical electronics. He had a smooth journey and got internship opportunities at two top international investment institutions, McKinsey and Bain Consulting, before graduation.
After the internship, Mao Wenchao chose to stay at Bain Consulting. This work experience broadened his horizons and knowledge. Two years later, he joined a private equity fund company and started working in investment.
After working for four years, Mao Wenchao felt the need to further improve his academic qualifications. He received an MBA offer from Stanford University and went to California, which he called his "farm", for two years.
…In Mao Wenchao's view, the experiences at Bain Consulting and Stanford Business School are two important milestones in his life. They not only enriched his knowledge, but also gave him a sense of perspective and career. Therefore, he is very grateful to them. Moreover, their main color is red, so it is called "Little Red Book".
We must at all costs prevent the capture of American hearts and minds by the twin foreign menaces of Bain Capital and Stanford University. I truly cannot figure out if I’m writing that sentence earnestly or not.
I joined Xiaohongshu to see what the vibe is like, and so far it has an extremely charming “first day on the foreign exchange program” feel. My FYP is a mix of American TikTokers butchering their way through earnest Ni hao’s and Chinese English-speakers welcoming them, along with a smattering of the ineradicable kudzu of short form video, Family Guy clips. I would show you some videos but I haven’t figured out if it’s possible to link in there yet. Meanwhile Pekingology’s Zichen Wang points out that the sudden influx of American users to a native Chinese-market app may be a mixed blessing.
Only time will tell whether this turns out to be a meaningful moment of cross-cultural exchange or just a big Xiao honk-shoo.1
Jennifer Rubin is leaving the Washington Post to start a Substack with Norm Eisen that will feature the reportorial stylings of luminaries such as George Conway and Andy Borowitz. Sure, why not. Dana Milbank is thinking about becoming a paralegal. George F. Will is going to clown college. I don’t know, man.
When the National Student Clearinghouse Research Center’s annual enrollment report said that this Fall “first-year enrollments fell by 5 percent, in what would have been the largest decline since the COVID-19 pandemic,” it actually meant to say that “first-year enrollment appears to have increased.” The NSCRC admitted to Inside Higher Ed that it made a major numbers oopsie, and it regrets the error.
Today in Tough Reads:
Paul Graham is somehow still at it, putting his own distinctive village idiot’s spin on “The Origins of Wokeness.” For sheer longevity in having and posting bad takes online, you almost, but don’t quite, gotta hand it to him.
A tough read for a very different reason is Athletic editor Carly J Dubois’ “The New York Times and The Athletic robbed me of my voice and my hope, and helped steal my life: A trans woman’s nightmare.” Content warning for very detailed suicidal ideation, but Dubois posted today that she is still here. I truly hope she stays with us, we need more people like her.
And the week’s toughest read so far is Lila Shapiro’s long, detailed, and incredibly damning feature on the numerous sexual abuse allegations against Neil Gaiman. I think this is the best written and best reported piece I’ve ever seen in this whole cursèd genre, and if you had any doubts about who Gaiman really is, this should put them to rest.
Today in Crabs:
“The American Dialect Society Word of the Year: RAWDOG.” Not much, what’s raw with you, dog?
Today’s Song: Peachole, “Strawberyy Casket 2”
I’m…
Writing this newsletter…
In Times New Roman…
In hopes you’ll pay me
1 If you think this entire lead section was one long excuse to make that pun, thank you, you truly do know me.
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